We took the MTR to Tsim Sha Tsui, and it was chaotic. There was like, to borrow a friend's phrase - a huge expanse of bobbing black heads. (Sounds like a teenager's worst nightmare - bobbing blackheads. Which of course you would get rid of with Smooth E Babyface Foam)

It was an ordered chaos, though. It was nice to see that people were orderly and waiting their turn in line despite everyone rushing to get home.

Up to this point, we remained happily ignorant tourists, thinking that this throng of people waiting for the MTR and queueing for buses and taxis were the normal Friday afternoon crowd returning home. It was only when we saw that all the shops were closed (a la Australia ages ago) that my flu-addled brain sensed that something was amiss.

I did the only thing a tourist would have done - speak to an expatriate gwailo about what was going on. He was quite amused by us, and said 'Didn't you hear? There's a grade eight typhoon warning and everyone's going home! Work's been called off and the shops are all closed!'

Blow, wind, blow. Blow what? Blow my holiday away. 

Can you believe it? We came to shop during the sale season, and with our luck we encountered Hong Kong's first Grade 8 typhoon warning in three years. All the shops were closed, except:

Yup, the toughest lil' 7-11s in the world.

Our plans for shopping out the window, we just walked around the Tsim Sha Tsui area. Since we were ignorant tourists, the typhoon would not affect us. What we don't know can't blow us away.  

It didn't help that my flu was still lingering. I wasn't so bad that I was hallucinating. Not yet, anyway.

Tsim Sha Tsui was the bayside area of Kowloon which is the mainland part of Hong Kong (think Seberang Perai). It had spectacular views of Hong Kong island which laid just out of reach.

There was an eerie calm with dour overcast clouds. There was an ominous feel in the air, as if they were trying to tell us something like 'Go back to your hotel!'

Luckily we didn't speak the language.

We walked along the bayside, and made the happiest discovery, the Avenue of Stars, Hong Kong's answer to the Hollywood's Walk of Fame. It was a cobbled pathway strewn intermittently with the stars of famous Hong Kong actors and actresses, including Wong Chau Sang (who?), Leung Ka Fai (who?) and Jackie Chan (yeah, I know him!)

(L - R) 1) The Avenue of Stars; 2) Jackie Chan's handprints (you can tell he didn't only press his hands into the cement, he kung-fued it); 3) the typhoon was so strong it blew the Avenue lopsided (okay, so it was just me being artisitic)

There were bronze statues all along the avenue as well, with life-size cast statues of a movie set, and famous stars including:

 Bruce Lee reminding us not to litter. Yo' daddy so weak his butt got kicked by a statue.

We walked for at least an hour along the bayside, and then I was really tired by then (a combination of the flu and fighting Bruce Lee) and so we found our way back to the hotel where I slept.

We woke up and wandered Temple street again and found what was to be our best meal (as per my friend: pang, leang, cheang - cheap, pretty, excellent) - the humble chok ('congee/porridge') made in the dirtiest shop we could find. My friend really liked his bowl of pei tan sau yok chok (century egg and lean meat), though for the life of me I couldn't understand his fascination with it. I was just happy to have something warm inside of me.

(I do have something warm inside of me. My heart. Awwww...)

(Yuck.)  

We woke up on the 2nd day, and I was still pretty sickish from the travelling. But we didn't come to Hong Kong to sleep in a hotel room and watch the eight chinese and two english channels on TV.

We dragged ourselves out of bed, and made our way to the streets. We walked the opposite direction from Temple Street in the rain. That's right, in the miserable morning rain. People said that there was a nearby typhoon bringing all this rain - we just kind of shrugged it off and bought ourselves umbrellas.

We ended up walking the same distance the taxi took us last night, which was very far. We finally ended up in Langham Plaza, a nice little shopping mall with quaint Hong Kong shops like Starbucks and McDonalds.

Cynicism aside, we did end up in a nice little restaurant selling a set breakfast. Hong Kong is huge on set everythings - breakfast, lunch, dinners. It's the Chinese sleight-of-hand to lure customers into their shop. No Chinese person can refuse a good deal!

Handy Hong Kong Tip #1:
There are a few drinks which are the staple of the Hongkongers:

1) Lai cha - literally, milk tea. What they do, you see, is make tea. And then put some milk in it. And then ice, if you're so inclined. (It's quite nice and sweet, actually).

2) Ling cha - literally, lemon tea. You can have it hot or cold, depending on whether or not you're a tourist from Malaysia with the sniffles.

3) Don't cha - wish your girlfriend was hot like me. Sorry, couldn't resist.

and the new craze in town -

3) RIbena with lemon. Now you can actually have some Vitamin C. From the lemon, I mean, since that Australian school girl proved there wasn't much Vitamin C in Ribena.

Set breakfast - instant noodles, soup, mystery meat, token broccoli, hot lemon tea. Ribena lemon - get ready to pucker your lips and squint your eyes - sour! 

Hongkongers eat a limited variety of things for breakfast - the basic noodles/macaroni in soup and then you just throw in whatever you want into the soup(sausages, bacon, luncheon meat, eggs). Some will have oatmeal porridge or even a western breakfast (sausages, bacon, luncheon meat, eggs). Or you can have just a sausage. Or a bacon. Or a piece of luncheon meat. Or just eggs.  

I had no choice but to order the soup as I needed to feed the little critters invading my immune system. Bah.

It was quite a nice experience. Different, because the nasi lemak, roti canai option is not readily available at hand (oh, the things we take for granted!), yet interesting.  

Now somewhat charged, we walked around the shopping mall a bit, and then headed out into the rain again.

 One of the quaint sights of Hong Kong - old men engaging in an age old hobby - squatting... I mean, Chinese Chess.  

Temple Street - come to think of it, I never saw the temple. I remember Karen Mok being the tai kah che ( 'big sister') of this street in Stephen Chow's Sek San ('God of Cookery').

 We passed the Hong Kong border at about 11.30 pm and got on to a bus filled with tired people returning from a hard day's work. It's crazy, the work ethic here! One of the scene that stuck with me on the first night is driving past a group of manual labourers, at midnight, literally, and they were unloading things a truck into a shop, their naked upper bodies glistening in the humidity of the night.

We were dumped in Mong Kok by the bus, and we had to travel to our hotel by cab. The cab driver answered our questions politely, and laughed at my Cantonese, recognising immediately that I was a 'yau hak' (foreigner) when I asked him 'Kei to lui ah?' (how much is the fare?) to which he gave me a bemused look and realisation set in when he said, 'Lei ke yee si hai, kei to tsin hai mai?' (Oh what you mean is, how much is the fare, is it?)

Didn't we just say the same thing?

Now, for those who are not Cantonese speaking or are actually Caucasian who look Chinese (don't worry, I am banana too!) basically lui is the Malaysian/Singaporean way of saying tsin. 

After apologising for my Cantonese, we found out a few things from the friendly cabbie:

1) Hong Kong is really safe. This was evidenced by the throngs of people still walking the streets at this hour of the night. There are policemen on patrol everywhere, and they have some of the coolest police uniforms I've seen!

2) Don't bother bargaining. The cabbie was saying that in Hong Kong, unlike Malaysia and Singapore, prices were reasonable and not jacked up ridiculously to cheat the gwailo's money. I found out later the cabbie mustn't have been coming out much, because a lady in the famous Women's Street ripped us off completely!

3) No, he doesn't know where Jackie Chan lives.

4) Straight cab ride for 5 minutes = HK $15. That's the last time we take a taxi.

We arrived at our hotel, the DSH, a place which turned out nicer than we expected. We unpacked and then got ourselves ready to walk around and hunt for supper.

We did not realise that we were actually situated near the (in)famous Miu Kai or Temple Street, a kind of area like Petaling Street, brimming with fake goods and dodgy characters. My friend got solicited by a 60 year old hooker while we were walking the streets:

'Yau ma?' (You looking for a good time?) from a person old enough to be our grandmother.

We said nothing, but suspected that her good time wasn't a round of mahjong, and no, we wouldn't even play mahjong with you, auntie.

I wish I could read Chinese and stop walking into massage parlours looking for good seafood. Honestly.

Hong Kong is vibrant, and is literally an Insomniac City. There are tons of neon lights hitting the pedestrians like sunlight and the city is as pulsating at night as it is in the daytime.

We wandered around looking for supper, and ended up having wan tan mee. It was pretty good, with large wan tans filled with whole prawns. Note to the first time traveller: They don't do it kon lo (dry) over there. Or, actually, they don't do it well. If you asked for dry wan tan mee, the sauce they give you is oyster sauce. And you thought Singaporeans offering you tomato ketchup in your dry wan tan mee was bad! 

On the walk back to the hotel, the peculiar thing we noticed was that you couldn't walk five minutes and not see a 7-11 store. Man, they sure take their convenience seriously round these parts!

The seed for this trip started some months ago when my friend, who I always travel with, coincided his holidays with mine again.

You know how people say they are bitten by the travel bug? Well, I wear travel bug repellent on my body.  

And so the only option I would consider would be Hong Kong, because at least I knew the language there (oh how foolish I was to be proven!) and also because the next time I see a TVB series, I might go like 'Oh yeah, Tsim Tsa Tsui, I know what he's talking about…' *smug look on my face belying the nothingness in my head*

Also one of my consultants used to train in Hong Kong and I have quite a few Hongkonger (apparently the term Hongkie is derisive?) friends, so I have always been curious.

So when this Free and Easy package appeared we immediately jumped on the chance and packed our bags for a taste of the Big Lychee.

We flew via Air Asia, on board a plane carrying the Man United logo (great airline, questionable football team) and you marvel at how far this brainchild of a Malaysian has gone, and it really makes you proud to be Malaysian.

If a red plane crashes, do we all come back as angry ghosts?

The plane was filled with travellers, and unfortunately I had started developing some sniffling (I really don't travel well). Due to the avian flu scare, there were actually health check forms which you had to fill in on arrival to Shenzhen.

We landed in Shenzhen and traveled by bus to Hong Kong. Just driving past the obvious urbanization of Shenzhen by night, I remember clearest the tall apartments alongside the highway, and you'll be surprised how tightly packed these apartments are. Just imagine Malaysian condominiums. Now imagine a belt being put through the middle, and pulled tightly. That's how close the apartments in Shenzhen were. If there was nothing good on TV, at least you could tune in to your neighbour's apartment and watch their dramas unfold!

Going to Hong Kong from Shenzhen is like the travel from Malaysia to Singapore. You have the term 'kor kuan' (literally to pass a hurdle) twice, basically meaning passing immigration at the Shenzhen border and then at Hong Kong again. It was amazing how many people were returning to Hong Kong from work in Shenzhen despite it being so late at night.

One interesting thing: they had head scanners at the Hong Kong station which could tell from afar how much your temperature was, in case you were unwell, they would quarantine you. We really should get one of those for the Emergency Department!

Sometimes nothing makes you feel more at home than an ad on the television.

Click here for the most amazing personality in Malaysia right now : Tai Chor Laa

Learn how to speak like a (DVD) pirate for 'International Speak Like a Pirate Day'.

P.S. Will someone teach me how to have the video on my blogsite instead of a link?

'So when I was in Form Five, right, there was this bunch of girls who were very aksyen (= ostentatious. Even the word ostentatious is ostentatious.) one you know. There were a bunch of them who never wanted to be in my school, but were forced to be there because there was no more space in Main Convent.'

'I remember all these girls lah, coming to school in their Mercedes Benz and all that. They always formed a clique and were always very hidung tinggi (literally, high nose = proud) one, don't layan us one. They never speak to us because they think they're too good to be there in our school.'

'They were very rich lah, so after SPM they all went overseas to continue their studies. Some went to Australia, others went to UK. We had no choice but to stay back here and study locally.'

'I think that's why it's the secret ambition in my heart, you know, to send all of you overseas.'

Today was an excellent day for many reasons:

1) I've had my first episode of die - a - rrhoea! Yes! Now my Malaysian experience is complete! Now I can finally go on to doing other things having ticked this one off my list. (It actually hurts, owww... it's so painful.... arrrghh.... why does it have to hurt so badly.... make it stop, Mummy...)

(addendum: if you're in your home country on holiday and you get diarrhoea, does it count as traveller's diarrhoea? I mean, technically, you're at home, right?)

2) Seeing My Sister! Mum and I took a leisurely drive down to M to visit my lil' sister who was studying for her exams... it was awesome seeing her after all this time, and yes, you have lost weight. And no, those shoes don't make you look fat. (They make me look gemuk apparently, hee hee!)

It was a really pleasant drive down to Melaka to visit my sister. We took the lovely drive down the highway, and had music playing in the background, just like the good old days when the whole family would squeeze in the car and then drive off along the highway with the Abba, or the Beatles or even James Galway to keep us company all the way up to Ipoh or Penang.

And then seeing my sister after so long - a long hug and then we set off to pick up her boyfriend who I was seeing for the first time. He was quite a nice guy, well mannered and funny with a good common sense around him as well.

We drove to the town, and passed by the lovely remnants of the clay red A F, with the ghosts of the Portuguese still very evident in the town. We even passed by some people refurbishing an honest-to-goodness ship which speaks of this town's seaport heritage. And we're not talking yachts, or cruisers. We're talking armada ships, the kind people put together piece by painstaking piece in little bottles as a hobby. Yeah,  the life sized version of that one.

We had lunch at a nice enough Nyonya restaurant, where I had the most bizarre deep fried squid ever. It looked smaller than small onion rings, like these were made from little squiddie dwarves. It was like eating deep fried rubber bands. The small rubber bands.

But that was all than made up for with the lovely assam fish and the fried belachan paku pakis and the chicken kapitan. But the tour de force, the piece de resistance, the most amazing thing that we had in that shop was the chendol.

For the uninitiated, the chendol is a Malaysian delicacy where you fill the base with red beans and chendol - these long green wormlike things made up from long green worms (okay, so it's green flour, allow me a little Calvin-esque grossness) - and then you put some ice shavings on top ala ais kacang, and then you pour on the evaporated milk and the gula melaka.

All the difference in the world was in that gula melaka, which originates from that state, and it was beautiful. I rarely italicise that word, so please believe me when I say that it was like the first bite of the perfectly made Giorgio's Sticky Date Pudding, it was like the first kiss of a lover returning home from a long trip overseas, it was like taking the red pill. 

I have never seen chendol in this light before, and I'm not sure I would ever eat our KL variety again without longing for the sweet brown sugar that is the gula Melaka.

We had more than one helping, of course, and then made our way for some nice small town shopping before saying goodbye, too soon, to the both of them, but promising to see each other again soon. See you back soon, little sis!

3) The Drive Home. I've never made it a secret that I love driving along the rolling highways of Malaysia, and this drive home was made all the more pleasant as I had Mum for company. I love hearing my Mum speak sometimes, and I know that there are friends whose parents are the quiet Asian stereotype, so I'm really starting to appreciate Mum for who she is.  

We ended off the drive with dinner at the KFC near our place, and I have often said this and, I will say it again - Malaysia has the best KFC in the world. Hands down. Many of my friends will agree with me, and if you don't believe me, then just come here and enjoy the huge chicken pieces rolled in the golden batter cooked to perfection, and then you have the privilege of unlimited sauce. Tomato, chilli and Thai sweet chilli.

Unlimited sauce. I'm going to say that in my sleep. That, and gula Melaka.        

Okay, so I am doing a little bit of swimming as well. I know it is not adequate to pay off my sins of eating, but it will have to do.

I've just realised that my swimming has not improved at all. It still takes me 40 strokes to get to the other side, and the kids are still lapping me (drink my trail of piddle!) I don't understand it. How could I still be so slow despite all the swimming that I didn't do in Australia?

Oh.

I must say this, that despite all its image as a third world country, Malaysia has a swimming pool that rocks in Bukit Jalil. It is Olympic sized, and is quite well kept, and it is covered so that the outside weather doesn't matter. But the best thing about it is the three syllable word that no toilet/changing room should ever be without -

Cub-ic-le.

I don't understand how it is that Australia condones a common changing room where old men and young alike strip down to their skin and shower next to each other. I'm sorry. You earn something like that by breaking the law and going to prison. Crime doesn't pay, and you'd better have a pretty decent grip on your bar of soap.

Okay, maybe it's just me. Maybe there's still much to learn about the overratedness of modesty, and I should be comfortable in the skin I'm in.

But until then, I will always prefer swimming here at home, where I don't need to think about who's deciding to come out of the closet at the moment I'm trying to get into my swimming trunk.

Well, as an aside, these holidays, I'm still trying to relax but I can't. These are defining times for me, and my career pathways, but here I am instead trying to increase my love handles to become love doors. I know that You've been good all this time, and I shouldn't worry, and I know that I've lead a life undeserving.

But for you who's reading this, would you please pray for me. Thank you.

There are three things that you can do on a Malaysian holiday:

1) Eat. Seriously. Like, you wouldn't believe. Like, you're eating despite being full. Like, there's no way you can stop putting food in your mouth. Like, I look like the Michelin man.

2) Go to a Shopping Mall. the Curve. 1 Utama. 2 Utama. Midvalley MegaMall. Almanda (in Putrajaya). KLCC. Berjaya Shopping Complex. Yaohan. Pavillion. Sungei Wang. Lot 10. Lot 11. Lot 12. Just A Lot.

3) Eat again. Like, you wouldn't believe, again. Like, you're eating despite being full, again. Like, there's no way you can stop putting food in your mouth, again. Like, I look like the Michelin man and his evil obese twin brother.

There is a little checklist which every Malaysian abroad carries, which is called 'The List of Things To Eat When I Get Home.' On that list would be the usual suspects - the nasi lemaks, the har mees, the assam laksas, the durians, the kuihs. Funnily enough, all the things on the list can be ticked off in one night - in that Megamall of Makan, the Hypermart of Heartburn, the Giant of Gastronomical Delights, the Colossus of Colonic Cargo - the pasar malam.

Over here on Friday nights, you will see the main street turned into a festival of fluorescent lights and multicoloured umbrellas, as the hawkers line both sides of the main road and the human traffic make it near impossible for cars to go through.

It's an overwhelming sight, the night market - almost no two stalls sell the same thing. You can have any Malaysian delicacy you like, and they are usually quite cheap. The finger foods especially make for a great traveling companion - you can chomp on your apam balik while deciding if you should have the fried popiah to go with your char kway teow. You can sip on your soya bean drink while wondering if that air mata kucing will quench the thirst you're developing from your soya bean drink.

And there are not only food stalls - there are people selling fresh vegetables (okay, so maybe, just vegetables) and fish, and there will be others selling clothes and underwear, and of course - the perennial, evergreen Friendly Neighbourhood Pirated DVD seller.

(If anyone can locate Astro on Demand's Shiny Disc Hero ad, please let me know - the actor is a legend!)

There is a hilarious trend about how they are blatantly juxtaposing the (insert 'level' here) DVDs you wouldn't watch with your parents, with, oh let's say, Shrek 3 (3 is not a level in Shrek's case.)

And the lecherous uncles who are there to buy are even more brazen, flipping through these DVDs nonchalantly as people stream past. And then they pick up the DVDs and then frown as they studiously read the back jacket over their glasses, as if the storyline mattered.

Yeah, uncle, you're not going to buy this one because there's no twist at the end, right? Yup. And this one won't make it to your collection because you really enjoyed the book and you don't want to spoil it by watching the movie, right? Gotcha.

I just wish they'd go back to the days of "Eh, boss, maukah? Ada special punya...", when pirates still had ethics.

And here I am again, not seven months after coming back the last time... homecoming just seemed a little bit different this time... I was sitting at the Melbourne airport, and mulling - " You know, I don't think I'm ready to go home thie time.' It just felt like I didn't earn it, you know... it's the middle of the year, and I've had relatively easy rotations for the first half of the year.

And yes, I have definitely used up my "sitting next to pretty impressionable young girl on the trip home" quota for my lifetime, and so I will have to secretly resign myself to sitting next to old men and crying babies for the rest of my traveling life...

It's great for the movie watching experience, though! I got to watch SpiderMan 3 finally, which I (secretly) enjoyed... I just love movies which make you think it's over and then just keeps hitting you with wave after wave of action! And I still think the MJ-Spidey romance remains my favuorite superhero romance (I just don't think Cyclops and Jean Grey work for me, I mean, what if he asked her to look him deeply in the eyes?)

Oh, by the way... if you have not watched "Knocked Up" yet, stop reading this blog and go and watch it! One of the most sincere films I have seen in a long time, and yes, I am clucky! It's an amazingly sweet and brutally honest film, and will put your relationships into perspective. Be warned, guys, if your girlfriends drag you to this movie, be ready to have her telling you that she wants the baby. Now.

Twenty Eight Minutes

There are many stages to the ritual of my going home. There is the drop off and the hugs. There is the waiting in the snaking queue for your check-in. There is the lingering around the perfumed aisles of the Duty Free gift shop trying to do some last minute shopping. There is the sitting in the waiting area, journal in hand, and just scribbling from a homeward heart. And then there is the eight long hours home.

Nothing comes close, however, to make me feel like I'm finally home like the ERL train ride from the airport to KL Sentral.

I am a person whose life does not include the luxuries of friends or families waiting excitedly at the airport gate eager for my return. There is the lonely walk to the elevators which lead to the ERL, and then taking up four seats by myself as I await the 28 minute journey to KL Sentral.

Strangely enough, however, it is a routine with which I am now fiercely keeping and have grown to love and associate with the home coming.

Nothing reminds me more that I am back in Malaysia, than when I sit in the garish fluorescent lights and the infomercial TV screen flashes alternating news and YTL advertisements. I love that infomercial screen, one look at the advertised restaurants or upcoming cultural events, and my heart immediately whispers 'Home'.  

The ride itself is beautiful, and I know of a registrar of mine who takes these solitary train rides by himself (he's done it in China, India and he's going to the Australian Indian Pacific one as we speak, I think) because it gives him time to think. 

In those 28 minutes of motion, I sit and watch as dawn's fingers slowly creeps across the land, rubbing sleep from the eyes of the forests, and the roads. The beauty of Malaysia is evident, a mixed picture of development and natural beauty.

The world goes past you in fast forward, as the view in your window changes at constant speed like a movie screen.

You whip by the secondary forests with the scattered tall trees among them, and interspersed in the background you can just make out the metallic roofs of the squatter homes. You see the small roads snaking into the little townships brimming with their little town stories. You pass the meticulously arranged palm oil plantations, the tranquil rivers and lakes beneath quietly reflecting the trees and undergrowth above them.  

Greenery gives way to the well lit highways, and soon you approach the city limits, as the natural jungle shapeshifts into the cement jungle that I've come to know so well, this disorderly chaotic mess that somehow successfully survives day after day, this place I lovingly call home.